Problem Child

August 1st, 2006
by Alfonso Ebanks

[private] v4-8-Our IslandsIn the great scheme of things there is one preprogrammed behavior that is our prime directive. This base instinct is a part of all living things, animal and vegetable alike and this overpowering force is the will to keep on living.

In the human being this instinct has been the prime reason for our very survival. Unlike other animals that mostly call upon their survival instincts to preserve their own lives, humans take it a little further and sometimes just saving their own lives comes in second to the survival of their species.

It’s not uncommon for a human parent to give up their own life for that of their child. Our innate desire to procreate is not a desire to hear the patter of little feet around the house. It is a matter of our search for immortality through our children.

This is a very noble attitude and there has been great sagas written about the undying love and the selfless sacrifices made by parents for their children. There are times when parents take this grandiose gesture to extremes.

Some parents, mostly mothers, will continue to nourish and provide shelter for their child, mostly sons, long after the child has reached adulthood. Society has no objections to this if the offspring is female, AKA old maid, but if it is a male child that’s something else.

These mothers will find all kind of excuses to justify the boy’s lack of ambition and self pride. There should be a school for mothers where these mamas could be trained to spot a goldbrick at first glance. Here are a few hints for those mothers that have not yet decided whether or not the boy is going to turn out all right.

If your son is thirty years old and still living in your house, or if the boy has been ten years or more in university and has not graduated, or if the child has changed his course of studies more than once, or if he is always looking for, but never finding suitable work, or if he comes in the wee hour of the morning and sleeps late and then get up to eat breakfast and lunch at the same time and then goes back to bed, the chances are that your pride and joy is a useless plug and will never amount to anything- these mothers must realize that the boy will never voluntarily leave the house.

In order to dislodge those types of parasites they must be deprived of all life support systems, such as shelter, nourishment, allowances, their mother’s blow dryer and their sister’s styling gel. If mama can’t get the job done because of lack of courage, she should ask daddy for help. Sometimes fathers can be instrumental in ridding the house of these pests.

If all fails there are two more things that can be done. The first one is to move away from that town when the boy is out of the house and make sure not to leave a forwarding address. If for some reason you cannot move away, then the last thing for mama to do is to start looking around for someone to take care of junior after she’s gone. Her baby boy will never ever leave the house. Maybe someday this psychogenic process of some mothers will be modified and all mothers will see the world as it really is: a place where everybody must pull their own weight. [/private]

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